Sunday, February 21, 2010

Taking a Moment to Breathe...

Written October 20, 2009

I have 2 hours before I go to my tutoring job, so I thought I'd take a moment to debrief. Honestly, as if that's possible. How do you debrief from losing someone? I don't think I ever can. But I wanted to say a few things...

I want you all to know about James. I wish you all knew him the way that I knew him. Some of you did. He was beautiful. He was funny and sweet. He had a contagious laugh. I was talking with his sister yesterday and we decided that James lived more in his 19 years than we had in both of our lives put together. He traveled, he made life long friends in an instant, he sang with everything in him (very loudly at times). HAHA! He loved music and would jack up the radio the second he got in your car. Sometimes I swore he was trying to make me deaf. Or I'd stop to get gas and he'd be pushing every button in my car and going through my glove box. (HAHAHA! :)) I loved my little trouble maker. He made my life flavorful. He and I used to rock out to *NSYNC in my car. We'd put "Bye Bye Bye" on repeat. He understood my obsession with the boy band. :)

James always loved big. I remember his mom telling me a story about how one time when he was younger, he was sitting in a hospital waiting room and there was a prisoner there as well. The prisoner was cuffed up and therefore couldn't utilize his hands, so James came and brought a magazine for him and started turning the pages for the man so that he could read. His love did not discriminate and I loved that about him. He loved his girls as well. Some of you know this because he'd hit on you anytime we hung out and I brought him along. He would walk up to that unsuspecting girl and put his arm around her and say, "hey baby?" HAHAHA! I'd have to remind him that he couldn't just do that to people, and he would argue with me that they were his girl.

He was my baby boo. We had many adventures together: museums, exhibits, movies, dinner, arcades, Chuck E Cheese (don't get me started), the fair, science camp, YMCA basketball, Hanger 18 wall climbing, McDonald's and so on... I will never forget the wonderful and sometimes stressful times we had together, but most of all I will never forget the things that he taught me. He taught me to be patient, to be forgiving, to tear down barriers, and most of all to love. As I write this I miss you James. I miss your face more than I've ever missed anyone's. I praise God for the wonderful gift of you that He gave us for 19 years. We will all be forever changed by you, my angel. Enjoy the time with your momma and your maker. I am envious of the love that you are surrounded by. Sweet dreams little man...

To all of you, my dearest friends who have wished me well and have prayed for me and James' family, thank you. You do not know how much I love and appreciate you. Life will never be the same, but you my friends have definitely softened the blow.

I love you all,


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