Thoughts from the virtuous? (Ahem...virtue-less)

How many times have we heard the phrase "Patience is a virtue"? Or "Never pray for patience or G-d will give you a reason to be patient"? Sometimes I wonder if patience is a virtue that I actually possess. In my line of work, patience is a must. However, today is one of those days where I'm feeling a little low in the patience department and I'm too afraid to ask G-d for patience. Haha! It's silly, but true. I have too deeply embedded in me the fear that if I ask, He will do exactly what people say and give me a reason. Truth be told, I'm considering taking an Elton John musical vacation in my head. Bumping Rocket Man and Benny and the Jets so loud in my car that my face melts off. Somehow I don't think that will solve my problem. So here goes. Time to bite the bullet. Dear G-d please help me have patience today. I seem to be slightly "patience" deficient and I can't do this without you. Thanks again HaShem.

Bienvenue 2013...

Well, it has literally been more than a year since I've posted on this blog.  2012 was quite a year for me.  My father passed in December of 2011 and since then I've been trying to put my life back together.  Not an easy feat.  However, I look towards 2013 with hope, excitement, a desire for growth, and a will that I hope will drive me towards accomplishment.  This 2013, I plan to work on personal things, like listening more often, spending quality time with friends and family, learning to have an opinion, but not let it be destructive or stifling to others with thoughts equally as valuable as mine, inner peace, spiritual growth and health.  I want 2013 to be the year that I look back on in life and say, "Wow, yes! That was the year I blossomed...that was the year I truly came into myself."  I propose to also focus on my writing.  It's time to take off my restraints and let my creativity flow.  Here's to a fabulous 2013...L'Chaim! :)

He Can't Keep Up...

What does it mean when someone says, "I can't keep up with you" or "You need someone who can keep up with you"? Should I take that as a compliment or be completely insulted? What it says to me is that I'm not what you want; I'm not what you need. I'm ambitious. I'm outgoing, fun, friendly, independent, I know what I want. Does that scare you? Would it be better if I was quiet, withdrawn, and anti-social? I dunno...

Helpless, Broken

my mind swims with thoughts

unable to sort them

images of your face before

before it took over

before it stole your youth

before it stole your body

before it stole your mind

overwhelming they choke the tears

choke the cries forming at the back of my throat

deep breaths bring no relief for the pain

whispers of prayers linger on my lips

fighting to make their way to G-d's ear

no sound...inaudible movements

Aba...HaShem...Avinu Malkeinu...

hear the cries of my heart!

Did You Know...

Did you know...

that I love you?

that you saved me?

that I'm not sure if I can live without you?

Did you know...

that I'm scared?

that it hurts when I think about you?

that I don't want to lose you?

Did you know...

that I'm a coward because I can't tell you?

that the thought of you not in my life steals my breath?

that I hate knowing you're in pain?

Did you know...

that you're my only daddy?

Did you know...

that I love you?

that I love you?

that I love you?

Did you know...

that I'm sorry?

Let It Go

You hold it tight,
Suffocating the beauty
Laboring to grow.
Afraid of the possibilities:
Hope of an everlasting promise.
Fear taking root,
Growing deep within your heart.
Apprehension, a new bosom buddy.
Let it go.
Breathe it in...
The change in the air...
Acceptance.
Love.
Happiness.
Forgiveness.

To Life!

I'm anxious. Growing up is hard. I never knew it was going to be this hard when I was a kid. I always had this idea of how life would turn out and I expected that it would happen the exact way I dreamed. Life isn't like that. The reality is that things don't always happen the way we want them to. I sit and I wait to hear the outcome of a part of my life. A part that I've been hanging onto for quite some time now. Will it be good or bad? Ultimately, regardless of the outcome, I will convince myself that it is good. I will tell myself that everything happens in accordance with G-d's will...and G-d's will is good and perfect. So...here's to your good and perfect will! L'Chaim!